Some insightful questions to examine possible relationship problems.

  • I must be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.
  • I value other’s approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own.
  • I agree with others so they will like me.
  • I focus my attention on protecting others, even from themselves.
  • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
  • I keep score of “good deeds and favors,” becoming very hurt when they are not repaid.
  • I am very skilled at guessing how other people are feeling.
  • I can anticipate others’ needs and desire, meeting them before they are asked to be met.
  • I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
  • I am calm and efficient in other people’s crisis situations.
  • I feel good about myself only when I am helping others.
  • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
  • I put aside my own interests and concerns in order to do what others want.
  • I ask for help and nurturing only when I am ill, and then reluctantly.
  • I cannot tolerate seeing others in pain.
  • I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
  • I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
  • I attempt to convince others of how they “truly” think and “should” feel.
  • I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

If you answered ‘yes’ to several of these Al-anon or ACOA may help.

          Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency
by Melody Beattie

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