Alcohol warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, all liquor manufacturers have accepted the suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: 

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

  • WARNING: the crumsumption of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.

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