Can we identify some of the characteristics of our true ‘Inner Person’ (Natural Spirit) and the actions, beliefs or thinking of the ‘Adapted Spirit’ which may have resulted from a ‘Wounded Spirit’.
The natural spirit or natural person can be seen as the way we are in our inner most selves – our real selves. Perhaps we were born with some natural tendencies for the characteristics in this column. We may prevent this natural spirit from being seen by the outside world. We may be suppressing our feelings and spirits. We may even stop ourselves from being aware of impulses or intuitions from our natural spirit.
We may have experienced a traumatic event or series of events, which hurt us at a very deep level. As a result our spirit may have been wounded. To protect ourselves from further pain or out of revenge, we may have adapted our thinking, beliefs and actions. These adapted mannerisms may have become destructive to us without us knowing it. And they may have become so ‘normal’ to us that we cannot see or believe our behaviours are not OK.
|Wounded Spirit||Adapted Spirit|
|Centre of a safe and loving universe||Centre of an unsafe, unloving universe||Centre of a world that can be made safe and loving through playing games|
|Spontaneous||Restricted, fearful||Reactions restricted to roles and missions|
|Creative||Reactive||Reactive, compliant or manipulative|
|Sees self as maker of joy||Sees self as the maker of pain; causing it, responsible for preventing it or fixing it||Sees survival as depending on avoiding dreads of ambiguity, abandonment, blame and betrayal|
|Curious, in awe of life’s mysteries||Frightened, suspicious||Knows all the answers, has false pride|
|Relational||Fearful, withdrawn||Creates barriers to authentic relating; relates to others in terms of scripts and games|
|Joyful||Sad||Triumphant when games are working; sad fearful when they are not|
|Secure boundaries||Born in autonomy violations||Tends to merge with others, be a victim or perpetrator of boundary violations|
|Consolable||Inconsolable||Only happy when compliance, manipulation or reactiveness is successful|
|Naively grandiose||Powerless||Obsessed with interpersonal power and its use|
|Tolerant||Intolerant of others||Over sensitive|
|Hopeful, confident and has positive faith||Pessimistic||Never gives up mission|
|Momentary fear, anger, guilt, sadness, pain, pride etc.||Obsessed with pain; knows that pain means true self is worthless, bad, weak, unacceptable to others; knows he is basically unlovable||Uses emotional behaviour to get own way|
|Confident||Low self-esteem||Develops self-image in terms of role; gauges worth in terms of reactions of others|
|Flexible||Deals only in blacks and whites; focuses on inevitability of impending doom; never alters world view||No tolerance for ambiguity; deals only in blacks and whites; focuses on avoiding of impending doom; never alters world view|
|Trusting||Distrustful, suspicious||Sees people, organisations and events as out to ‘get them’|
|Interdependent||Isolated, relies on own resources||Dependent, blames others and outside events for problems|
|Accepting||Has unreasonable expectations of others||Judgemental, intolerant; views others through his own distorted view; focuses on the shortcomings of others|
|Humble||Has distorted sense of self||Grandiose; promotes self in interactions with others, uses the ‘I, Me, Myself’ inflection|
|Motives, desires and emotions appropriate to age, needs and societal expectations||Has motives, desires and emotions of a teenager||Mainly seeks to satisfy self; bodily senses, ego and emotions|
|Open, accepting, realistic||Fearful, denying||Fails to see how ones thinking, perceptions and behaviour contributes to ones situation|
In Alcoholics Anonymous colloquial terms the ‘Adapted’ self would be known as a Dry Drunk.
The Wounded Spirit may have created a WALL of DENIAL of ACCESS to the real inner person – your Natural Spirit.
Copyright © 2007 Robin Foote