12 Steps to Wisdom

Twelve Step recovery wisdom can benefit everyone

All of us—recovering alcoholics, addicts and non-addicts alike—can benefit from the practical wisdom of the Twelve Steps, first adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and subsequently adapted by other groups whose members struggle with various forms of addictive behavior.

Recovering people know they are always vulnerable to relapse. That knowledge keeps them vigilant, and that’s why they take a mind, body and spirit approach to life every day to avoid slipping into behaviors that caused them and their loved ones so much pain.

The strategies those in recovery employ to keep themselves clean, sober and serene are also good prevention tools. Awareness of what behaviors or “mind games” can lead to relapse can also keep a non-alcoholic person from turning to alcohol or drugs in the first place as an escape from problems, feelings, or situations that may seem unbearable.

In his book “12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery: Avoiding Relapse through Self-Awareness and Right Action”, Allen Berger talks about some self-destructive behaviors that can sabotage recovery. His straightforward advice easily translates to everyone who seeks to live a more balanced life in which individuals tap inner strengths, their higher power, and healthy resources instead of turning to destructive behaviors or mood-altering substances.

For example, Berger cautions readers to be aware of “self-erasure” and self-hate. Self-erasing, a term coined by psychiatrist and writer Theodore Isaac Rubin, is an inappropriate dependency on others and the obsessive need to be liked.

When we self-erase, we try to become invisible by avoiding conflict and rejection, by denying our own needs, and by stifling our own opinions. In short, Berger says we give way to fear and abandon ourselves, thinking others have the power to make us feel good or bad. “This leads to an avoidance of both authenticity and intimacy,” he writes.

“If we are self-erasing, we are sabotaging our life. Any life based on a rejection of or alienation from self is doomed to failure.”

He says self-hate starts when we don’t live up to the person we think we should be. “When we don’t live up to our ’shoulds,’ we despise ourselves,” says Berger, leaving us to feel unworthy of help, joy, happiness, success, freedom or love, and making us vulnerable to addiction or relapse.

The Twelve Steps encourage people to take an honest look at themselves and, by practicing spirituality and humility, place “self” within a larger and more realistic framework. “We must accept that life can be difficult and that most of the time the path of least resistance isn’t the best one,” says Berger. “We need to quit trying to get other people to yield to our demands so that we can feel better about ourselves.”

At AA meetings, members are often reminded that they are “as sick as their secrets.” The more honest we are with ourselves and with others, the more genuine our lives and our relationships will be. Abandoning our false selves leads us to a solid place of integrity, which Berger defines as “wholeness: a process in which we are committed to respecting our true or spiritual self.”

Recovery is called a “process” or “journey” because those in recovery know it is an unending endeavor that requires daily diligence. For instance, recovering people don’t just “make amends” one time for hurts they have caused others. They understand that they are imperfect humans who will make more mistakes. Instead of excusing themselves or blaming others for harmful or inappropriate behavior, they learn to acknowledge their own mistakes when they occur and try to repair any damage they have done. This practice, although difficult, can benefit everyone because it strengthens humility, lessens anger and resentment, and improves relationships.

You don’t have to be a recovering alcoholic to benefit from the volumes of sound advice those in recovery have to share.

AA has been with us since 1935, and the principles on which it was founded are timeless for some very good reasons: they make sense and they work.

Alive & Free is a health column that offers information to help prevent and address addiction and substance abuse problems. For more resources check the Web site at www.hazelden.org.

See also;

• ABC’s of Recovery
• Two Wolves
• Subscribe by e-Mail to Alcohol Self-help News

12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery: Avoiding Relapse Through Self-Awareness and Right Action by Allen Berger Ph.D. Read more about this title…

The Soul of Recovery

The Soul of Recovery: Uncovering the Spiritual Dimension in the Treatment of Addictions

Millions of alcoholics and addicts recover through spirituality. In The Soul of Recovery: Uncovering the Spiritual Dimension in the Treatment of Addictions, author and journalist Christopher D. Ringwald tells how and why they seek and achieve these transformations.

Ranging as far back as the Washingtonian Total Abstinence Society in 1840, Ringwald discusses the use of spirituality within a wide range of treatment options — from the famous Twelve Step-style programs to those tailored to the needs of addicted women, Native Americans, or homeless teens not ready to quit. Focusing on the results rather than the validity of beliefs espoused by these programs, he demonstrates how addicts recover through practices such as self-examination, meditation, prayer and reliance on a self-defined higher power.

Ringwald traveled across the country to visit dozens of programs and interview hundreds of addicts, alcoholics, counselors, family members, doctors and scientists. Many share moving stories of suffering, survival, and redemption. Ringwald also examines the controversies surrounding faith-based treatment and the recovery movement, from the conflict between science and spirituality, to skepticism about the “new age” brand of spirituality these programs encourage, to constitutional issues over court-mandated participation in allegedly religious treatment programs.

“An impressive, straightforward synthesis of diverse and controversial issues.”–Library Journal

“An encouraging, well-researched book on an important topic.”–Publishers Weekly

“A sober and well-documented look at some of the unquestioned claims of the burgeoning recovery movement. What makes ‘The Soul of Recovery’ stand out from the pack is the way Ringwald approaches the recovery movement as a journalist, not as an evangelist or protagonist. He understands the power of spirituality in treating substance abuse, yet still asks some hard questions.”–San Francisco Chronicle

“An articulate and extremely well-reported exploration of how nurturing spiritual beliefs can help addicts recover. As such, The Soul to Recovery is a much-needed and welcome antidote to the prevailing medical paradigm that chalks up troubled human behavior to ‘abnormal brain chemistry,’ amenable to a pharmaceutical solution. Ringwald shows that the paths to addiction are many, and that the most successful treatment programs are those that help heal the mind and soul.”–Robert Whitaker, author of Mad in America: Bad Science, Bad Medicine and the Enduring Mistreatment of the Mentally Ill

“The Soul of Recovery captures beautifully the role of spirituality in the treatment and recovery of people with addictions. Not only is it immensely informative, but the writing style is captivating, passionate and powerful.”–Harold G. Koenig, co-author of the Handbook of Religion and Health

The Soul of Recovery: Uncovering the Spiritual Dimension in the Treatment of Addictions by Christopher D. Ringwald Read more about this title…

Benefits of Recovery from Alcoholism

 

There are two benefits from recovery: we have short-term gains and long-term gains.

The short-term gains are the things we can do today that help us feel better immediately.

We can wake up in the morning, read for a few minutes in our meditation book, and feel lifted. We can work a Step and often notice an immediate difference in the way we feel and function. We can go to a meeting and feel refreshed, talk to a friend and feel comforted, or practice a new recovery behavior, such as dealing with our feelings or doing something good for ourselves, and feel relieved.

There are other benefits from recovery, though, that we don’t see immediately on a daily or even a monthly basis. These are the long-term gains, the larger progress we make in our life.

Over the years, we can see tremendous rewards. We can watch ourselves grow strong in faith, until we have a daily personal relationship with a Higher Power that is as real to us as a relationship with a best friend.

We can watch ourselves grow beautiful as we shed shame, guilt, resentments, self-hatred, and other negative buildups from our past.

We can watch the quality of our relationships improve with family, friends, and spouses. We find ourselves growing steadily and gradually in our capacity to be intimate and close, to give and receive.

We can watch ourselves grow in our careers, in our ability to be creative, powerful, productive people, using our gifts and talents in a way that feels good and benefits others.

We discover the joy and beauty in ourselves, others, and life.

The long-term progress is steady, but sometimes slow, happening in increments and often with much forward and backward movement. Enough days at a time of practicing recovery behaviors and piling up short term gains leads to long-term rewards.

Today, I will be grateful for the immediate and long-term rewards of recovery. If I am new to recovery, I will have faith that I can achieve the long-term benefits. If I’ve been recovering for a while, I will pause to reflect, and be grateful for my overall progress.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) by Melody Beattie Read more about this title…

Recovery for Friends of Sexaholics

S-Anon is a program of recovery for those who have been affected by someone else’s sexual behavior. S-Anon is based on the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We encourage you to browse our web site for information about the S-Anon program,

The Twelve Steps of S-Anon

The Twelve Steps of S-Anon are the foundation of our personal growth and recovery. The principles of the Twelve Steps are universal, applicable to all of us, regardless of our various beliefs.

When practiced as a way of life, these spiritual principles help us to meet and rise above all difficulties in our lives - not just those associated with living with or having lived with sexaholism. Here are the Twelve Steps we follow which are suggested for our recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over sexaholism - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The Twelve Steps reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

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Don’t Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction

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Al-Anon Helps Members Reach beyond their Fears

Families and friends of alcoholics can help find hope and help in Al-Anon/Alateen

Those who live with alcoholism often live in fear: fear of abuse, fear of anger, fear of trusting others.

Al-Anon Family Groups (including Alateen for younger members) is a source of understanding, help, and hope to families and friends of alcoholics. The following story, originally published in the August 2002 issue of Al-Anon’s monthly magazine, The Forum, illustrates some of the fears experienced.

Kathy’s story

My pattern of isolation began in childhood when my mother’s abusive behavior became a source of sadness and embarrassment. I coped by being a good little girl and keeping my feelings to myself. Years later, while I suffered from my son’s alcoholism, I withdrew again. When the pain became intolerable, I decided to try Al-Anon.

It was scary walking into a room that was full of strangers, so I put on my everything’s okay mask. Then the members began to share their stories. Everyone’s words carried such depth and honesty that I began to feel hopeful. I thought maybe I could let my guard down, too. Maybe somebody would finally understand.

Continuing to attend meetings, I confronted longtime habits of self-pity that kept me stuck in misery. It was pretty difficult to feel alone and sorry for myself when I sat with people whose experiences were the same or even worse than mine.

When I was little, I often blamed myself for Mommy’s anger. Later I felt somehow guilty about my son’s alcoholism. Al-Anon told me I did not cause the disease and that I could not control or cure it, either. The only thing I could change, I learned, was my own response. As I gradually let go of guilt, I felt a new sense of lightness and freedom.

Sometimes I still find myself sliding back into isolation, but now I have a choice. I can stay in a dark, lonely place, if that’s what I choose. Or I can keep coming back to this program, into the healing light of intimacy with my fellow travelers on this journey we call life.

(Al-Anon members maintain personal anonymity in print, on radio, TV, film and the Internet)

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