Eat Chocolate to Lose Weight

Chocolate triflesRegular Chocolate Eaters are Thinner

Katherine Hepburn famously said of her slim physique: “What you see before you is the result of a lifetime of chocolate.” New evidence suggests she may have been right.

Beatrice Golomb, and colleagues present new findings that may overturn the major objection to regular chocolate consumption: that it makes people fat. The study, showing that adults who eat chocolate on a regular basis are actually thinner that those who don’t, will be published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

The authors dared to hypothesize that modest, regular chocolate consumption might be calorie-neutral –in other words, that the metabolic benefits of eating modest amounts of chocolate might lead to reduced fat deposition per calorie and approximately offset the added calories (thus rendering frequent, though modest, chocolate consumption neutral with regard to weight). To assess this hypothesis, the researchers examined dietary and other information provided by approximately 1000 adult men and women from San Diego, for whom weight and height had been measured.

The UC San Diego findings were even more favorable than the researchers conjectured. They found that adults who ate chocolate on more days a week were actually thinner – i.e. had a lower body mass index – than those who ate chocolate less often. The size of the effect was modest but the effect was “significant” –larger than could be explained by chance. This was despite the fact that those who ate chocolate more often did not eat fewer calories (they ate more), nor did they exercise more. Indeed, no differences in behaviors were identified that might explain the finding as a difference in calories taken in versus calories expended.

“Our findings appear to add to a body of information suggesting that the composition of calories, not just the number of them, matters for determining their ultimate impact on weight,” said Golomb. “In the case of chocolate, this is good news –both for those who have a regular chocolate habit, and those who may wish to start one.”

Source: University of California, San Diego Health Sciences

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11 Things I Learned from Noah

Noahs Arc & Woodpecker A bit of humour mixed with spirituality

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah and his Ark

  1. Don’t miss the boat.
  2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
  3. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
  4. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
  5. Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
  6. Build your future on high ground.
  7. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
  8. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
  9. When you’re stressed, float a while.
  10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
  11. No matter the storm, when you are with the Higher Power, there’s always a rainbow waiting…

Oh, and be careful of Woodpeckers.

Twelve Steps to Insanity

 

As opposed to the 12-Steps to recovery here is the suggested program to insanity or have a laugh at ones former self behaviour.

  1. I decided I could handle my emotional problems if other people would just quit trying to run my life.
  2. I firmly believed that there is no greater power than myself, and anyone who said so was insane.
  3. I made a decision to remove my will and my life from God who didn’t understand me anyhow.
  4. I made a searching and thorough moral inventory of everyone I knew so they couldn’t fool me and take advantage of my good nature.
  5. I sought these people out and tried to get them to admit to me, by God, the exact nature of their wrongs.
  6. I became willing to help these people get rid of these defects of character.
  7. I was humble enough to ask these people to remove their shortcomings.
  8. I kept a list of all the people who had harmed me and waited patiently for a chance to get even with them.
  9. I got even with these people whenever possible except when to do so would get me in trouble, too.
  10. I continued to take everyone’s inventory and when they were wrong, which was most of the time, I promptly made them admit it.
  11. I sought through the concentration of my will power to get God, who didn’t understand me anyhow, to see that my ideas were best and that I had the power to carry them out.
  12. Having maintained my emotional problems for twenty-five years with these steps, I can thoroughly recommend them to others who don’t want to lose their hard-earned status and wish to be left alone to practice neurosis in everything they do for the rest of the days of their lives.

Author Unknown

Chuckle Words ;-)

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. These are some of the winners:

  • Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
  • Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
  • Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
  • Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
  • Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
  • Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
  • Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  • Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
  • Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
  • Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  • Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  • Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
  • Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes
  • up on the roof and gets stuck there.
  • Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

The 12 Steps to Insanity

The 12 Steps to Insanity

  1. We admitted we were powerless over nothing. We could manage our lives perfectly and we could manage those of anyone else that would allow it.
  2. Came to believe that there was no power greater than ourselves, and the rest of the world was insane.
  3. Made a decision to have our loved ones and friends turn their wills and their lives over to our care.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone we knew.
  5. Admitted to the whole world at large the exact nature of their wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to make others straighten up and do right.
  7. Demanded others to either "shape up or ship out".
  8. Made a list of anyone who had ever harmed us and became willing to go to any lengths to get even with them all.
  9. Got direct revenge on such people whenever possible except when to do so would cost us our own lives, or at the very least, a jail sentence.
  10. Continued to take inventory of others, and when they were wrong promptly and repeatedly told them about it.
  11. Sought through nagging to improve our relations with others as we couldn’t understand them at all, asking only that they knuckle under and do things our way.
  12. Having had a complete physical, emotional and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, we tried to blame it on others and to get sympathy and pity in all our affairs.


Insanity Exemplified

Insanity Exemplified


Alcohol quotes

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. -Ernest Hemingway

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.  -Author Unknown

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.  -Author Unknown

When the wine goes in, strange things come out.  -Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, The Piccolomini, 1799

If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.  -Author Unknown

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!  -William Shakespeare, Othello

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.  -Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

What’s drinking?
A mere pause from thinking!
-George Gordon, Lord Byron, The Deformed Transformed

When the wine is in, the wit is out.  -Proverb

Drunkenness is temporary suicide.  -Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune.  -Giuseppe Garibaldi

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.  -Seneca

Brandy, a noun.  A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.  -Ambrose Bierce

How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that make me want to drink?  -Author Unknown

New!  Improved!  Instant asshole… just add alcohol!  -Author Unknown

Oh, he occasionally takes an alcoholiday.—Oscar Wilde

Alcohol warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, all liquor manufacturers have accepted the suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: 

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

  • WARNING: the crumsumption of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.

Ego Quotes with Narcissistic Tendencies

  • Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space. -
    Diana Black

  • Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. – Bellamy Brooks

  • The one who overcomes egotism rids themselves of the most stubborn obstacle that blocks the way to all true greatness and all true happiness. – Coltvos

  • What will the world be quite overturned when you die? – Epictetus

  • The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people. -
    Lucille S. Harper

  • Egotism is the art of seeing in yourself what others cannot see. -
    George V. Higgins

  • An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead. –
    Dr Carl Jung

  • Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. -
    Frank Leahy

  • Loving is the only sure road out of darkness, the only serum known that cures self-centeredness. -
    Roger M’Ckuen

  • Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. -
    Wilson Mizner

  • If someone is blessed as I am is not willing to clean out the barn, who will? -
    H. Ross Perot

12 Promises for Recovery Beginners

  1. You will know your full name and address.

  2. You will be able to shave yourself, or put on your makeup, whichever pleases you.

  3. You will be able to dress and undress yourself.

  4. You will know the town, the state, and the country you live in.

  5. You will be able to find socks that match, or nylons without runs.

  6. You will be able to smoke without burning yourself, your clothes, or the furniture.

  7. You will lose the fear of food.

  8. You will be able to walk a straight line and pass the drunk driving test.

  9. You will spend less time in the bathroom and be able to brush your teeth without gagging

  10. You will lose the fear of police cars.

  11. You will be able to answer the door without having to look through the peephole.

  12. You will realize what a hell of a mess you were, and thank God, or your HP for AA.

Sponsor Knows All

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude  and spotted another man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below replied,

“You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be a sponsor,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the man, “how did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The man below responded,“You must be a sponsee.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect other people to solve your problems.

The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”