Sexual Satisfaction

Sober Sexual Satisfaction.

 

Everyone has their own idea of what constitutes “good recovery sex”, experiencing sex and their own sexuality in unique ways.

Deadly Perils of the Booze Diet

A woman in her 30s in Gwangju (Korea) recently died while on a so-called booze diet. She was under extreme pressure to lose weight, and after 10 days of only drinking alcohol for dinner while skipping breakfast and lunch, her system packed up.

Those on a liquor diet drink alcohol to lose weight, skipping breakfast and lunch and eating only side dishes with a drink for dinner. Some then throw up to ruin their appetite for the next morning. The method may appeal to those who want to lose weight fast, but it is perilous. "It’s such a dreadful way to lose weight," says Prof. Cho Kyung-hwan of the Department of Family Medicine at Korea University’s Anam Hospital. "It should never be recommended, and no one should listen when it is."

Two out of every 10 Koreans have less than the normal amount of the enzyme that breaks down alcohol, which is why their face reddens or they keel over after just one glass. If such people go on a booze diet, they can die. But even those who have enough enzymes are in danger as the booze diet badly hurts their stomach and esophagus.

Full story at; Deadly Perils of the Booze Diet

• See also;
• A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved
• Alcohol and Pregnancy
• Binge Drinking
• Effects of alcohol on women
• Healthy Chocolate

Korean Spirituality (Dimensions of Asian Spirituality) by Don Baker

Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind by Roger Walsh

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

For abused women, leaving is a complex and confusing process

I have seen and heard of this process in many of my clients (men and women) who were partners of alcoholics, addicts, compulsive gamblers or sex addicts.

Additionally, I have seen these stages of leaving in recovering people who have codependent partners who will not change their behaviours. In other words, the codependent behaviour is itself abusive.

—————————————————

Nothing could be easier than walking out the door, right? According to a new University of Illinois journal article, an abused woman actually goes through a five-step process of leaving that can be complicated at every stage by boundary ambiguity.

"When a woman is disengaging from a relationship, she is often unclear about her family’s boundaries. Is her partner in or out of her life? A woman’s spouse may be physically in the home but psychologically unavailable. He’s not caring for the kids or being a loving partner.

"Or she may have physically left him but still be psychologically connected. She misses him, and for the sake of her children, she’d like for her family to be together again," said Jennifer Hardesty.

"We could see this struggle clearly in the pictures women drew of their families at different points in the process of leaving. It’s a confusing time. The boundaries are ambiguous,"" she said.

"It’s not unlike the experience of having a child leave for college," she noted. "Your child isn’t living at home, but you’re still very connected to them emotionally. Yet, when they come home for visits, they may pay little attention to you while they make the rounds of their friends. It’s always hard to figure out what the new boundaries are as you move into a new stage of life."

Khaw has applied the model to 25 abused women from varied backgrounds, identifying boundary ambiguity within the five stages of the process of leaving.

"In the first two stages, women begin to disconnect emotionally from their relationships. You hear them say things like, I started not to care for him anymore," Khaw said

Stage 3 is often marked by a pileup of abusive episodes and noticeable effects of the violence on their children. "Women make preparations to leave, such as finding a place to stay or secretly saving up money. This stage is important for women as they switch from thinking about leaving to actually doing something about it," she said.

"Then, at Stage 4, when women take action, we see a lot of what we call back and forthing because when women leave, the emotions often come back. They need clarity. They want to be physically and emotionally connected again," said Hardesty.

The last stage, maintenance, is achieved when women have been gone for six months or more. "But even then they may have boundary ambiguity if their ex-spouse won’t let them go. With continued contact through court-ordered child visitation, the potential for ongoing abuse remains as well as continued confusion over the abuser’s role in the woman’s life," she said.

In the past, Khaw and Hardesty have used the model to focus on what individual women are going through. But applying boundary ambiguity to the model gives a more complete picture of the process.

"Leaving a relationship is much more complex than just deciding to change, and it involves more than a woman’s prioritizing her safety. Other actors are involved. The abuser makes decisions that affect a woman’s movement through the stages. And children can be a powerful influence in motivating a woman to get out of a relationship and in pulling her back in," Hardesty said.

It’s important for social work professionals and frustrated family and friends to understand the process of leaving, Hardesty said.

"Often shelter workers focus on safety and tangible needs such as a job and housing. They don’t help women disentangle themselves emotionally. But it’s hard for women to get out of the situation if they haven’t resolved these relationship issues.

"Discouraged friends and family members have to learn to view leaving as a process and realize that there’s little they can say to speed it along. It’s important for them to reinforce the risks the woman is facing by asking such questions as ‘Has he become more abusive? Does he have a gun?’

"When talking to an abused friend or family member, one should always emphasize safety, but for your own sanity, you should realize that leaving is a process and she has to work her way through it herself," she said.

When women do finally achieve both physical and emotional separation, research shows that they experience fewer health problems and less depression, Hardesty said.

From a press release by; Lyndal Bee Lian Khaw, a University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign doctoral student, and Jennifer Hardesty are co-authors of the paper, which was published in the Journal of Family Theory & Review.

Female Binge Drinkers Lose Out

College Men Unimpressed by Female Binge Drinkers

Some college women may drink excessively to gain the attention of men, but new research from Loyola Marymount University suggests that drunk women are not as attractive to men as women believe.

Science Daily reported March 11 that the majority (71 percent) of women surveyed overestimated — by an average of one-and-a-half drinks — the number of alcohol beverages men wanted their female friends, dates, or girlfriends to drink.

Researchers surveyed 3,616 college students (ages 18-25) at Loyola Marymount University and the University of Washington, and asked women questions about their perceptions of what college men want women to drink, as well as the relationship between drinking and sexual attraction. The researchers then compared the women’s answers with men’s actual preferences.

Women who overestimated men’s preferences were more likely to drink excessively, according to the study.

"There is a great, and risky, disconnect here between the sexes," said lead researcher Joseph LaBrie, who teaches at Loyola Marymount. "While not all women may be drinking simply to get a guy’s attention, this may help explain why more women are drinking at dangerous levels."

The results were published in the March 2009 journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors.

From Join Together Online

See also;

• Effects of alcohol on women
• Harmful Effects of Alcohol on Sexual Behaviour
• If you have healthcare training this manual may help.
• Physical effects of alcohol on women

AA Works for Steven Adler

Back from the brink and ready to rock

After a two-decade battle with addiction, Guns and Roses member Adler has managed to put together six months of clean time, he told The Daily Times this week — and that makes the past six months a rebirth of sorts.

"Making it one day is a long time, and I’ve made it, like, six months," he said, voice filled with jubilation and the enthusiasm of newfound sobriety. "The last time I did anything goofy like that was on the show ("Sober House," a VH-1 reality show spin-off of "Celebrity Rehab," both of which featured Adler), when I got arrested (last summer). I’ve been so lucky, and I’ve got a great team of people around me; I’ve got my best friend Slash back in my life; and I’m happier than ever.

"It’s like I’m seeing things for the first time. To have survived everything I went through — a stroke, the band — and get a second chance at life, it’s crazy. And I’m so grateful I did those two shows. As much as I despised rehab and the whole AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) crap, it works!"

"I just wanted to give myself a chance to get better than I was yesterday. That first few weeks were the toughest, because once the drugs wear off, all of the emotions come out. The hardest part to get through was that first month."

Full story at The Daily Times

See also;

• 12-Step Treatment More Effective than Alternative
• AA Offers Recovery Not Religion
• Address the drinking problem directly
• If you have healthcare training this manual may help.
• Twelve Step Facilitation is designed to support people returning to their community