Building Healthy Relationship With One’s Self In Al-Anon
As a family recovery coach, my radar goes up when I hear clients talking about how much someone else’s drinking is bothering them. What the drinker’s actual diagnosis is or isn’t, is not important to me. If their drinking is bothering my client, I gently begin asking questions to help me better understand just how much of a problem it is to my client. Often, these conversations lead me to put Al‑Anon on my list of recommendations for the client.
You may wonder why I want my clients to go to Al‑Anon, when I’m specially trained to help the family members of alcoholics. The short answer to that question is that Al‑Anon works.
The people who have been going to Al‑Anon meetings for a very long time have discovered the secret of living well and enjoying their own lives whether their alcoholic relatives choose sobriety or not.
The clients I’ve sent to meetings progress faster toward the coaching goals they have set, become more able to deal with other aspects of their lives more effectively, and grow happier over time, regardless of their alcoholic’s choices.
I work hand in hand with the Al‑Anon program and its Twelve Steps because Al‑Anon facilitates the re‑emergence of inner health on the outer level. Al‑Anon is the program of relationships, beginning with building a healthy relationship with one’s self. And more than anything else, those related to alcoholics need support in rebuilding a healthy relationship with themselves because that’s where family recovery begins.
With the recognition of alcoholism as an actual disease that can be passed down both culturally and genetically from one generation to the next, more and more outstanding work has been done to shed light on the numerous causal factors and impact of addiction on people, families, and communities. The sense of shame and hopelessness that people often feel is sometimes a stumbling block as they recognize their problems, but then go through denial and lose sight of how to begin the recovery process.
Lately, I’ve been on a clutter-clearing frenzy. For me, as for most people, outer order contributes to inner calm, and sweeping away a bunch of unloved, unused stuff has given me a huge happiness boost.
As I sifted through our possessions, I identified nine questions to ask myself when I was confronted with a questionable object. This list helped me decide what to keep and what to toss, recycle, or give away.
Helping aids progression, creates an environment of positivity, adds value to the life of another human being. Helping lifts you up, but doesn’t hold you up; it allows you to hold yourself up as best you can. Helping at its best is supportive, not controlling; strengthening, not debilitating; mobilizing, not paralyzing. When helping hurts, it is no longer helping. It is enabling.
Enabling is often disguised as helping, but it’s quite the opposite. Enabling creates a sense of powerlessness, often discouraging and de-motivating the person who needs help.
“I need somebody to love,” sang the Beatles, and they got it right. Love and health are intertwined in surprising ways. Humans are wired for connection, and when we cultivate good relationships, the rewards are immense. But we’re not necessarily talking about spine-tingling romance.
Alcohol Use Hinders In-Vitro Fertilization, Study Finds
The odds of achieving a live birth through in-vitro fertilization (IVF) fell by 26 percent if either sex partner consumed four or more alcoholic drinks weekly, according to a new study.
Time magazine reported Oct. 27, 2009 that a study of more than 2,500 couples attempting IVF found that success rates fell by 16 percent if women drank and 14 percent if men drank. Wine seemed to affect IVF success the most among women, while beer drinking had the biggest negative impact among men.
Study lead author Brooke Rossi, M.D., of Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston said the research showed that even moderate drinking could impair IVF.
"There are many factors in an IVF cycle that contribute to success or failure. Most of these, patients have no control over, like age. But one thing you can control is alcohol intake," said Rossi. "You can decrease or stop alcohol consumption, knowing that you are going to have to do it anyway if you do get pregnant and it may increase the chances of success in IVF cycle."
The findings were presented at a recent meeting of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.