AM I CONTROLLING?

 

Some insightful questions to examine possible relationship problems.

• I must be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.
• I value other’s approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own.
• I agree with others so they will like me.
• I focus my attention on protecting others, even from themselves.
• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I keep score of “good deeds and favors,” becoming very hurt when they are not repaid.
• I am very skilled at guessing how other people are feeling.
• I can anticipate others’ needs and desire, meeting them before they are asked to be met.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I am calm and efficient in other people’s crisis situations.
• I feel good about myself only when I am helping others.
• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
• I put aside my own interests and concerns in order to do what others want.
• I ask for help and nurturing only when I am ill, and then reluctantly.
• I cannot tolerate seeing others in pain.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I attempt to convince others of how they “truly” think and “should” feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

If you answered ‘yes’ to several of these Al-anon or ACOA may help.

Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie Read more about this title…